Have a Little Patience

When I was a school teacher, I endured many observations.

The principal, the assistant principal, the specialists, parents, everybody and their momma came into my room at some point and observed me.

During one observation early in my career, an administrator told me that I did a good job by pointing out a mistake in something I had written.

Honestly, I thought she was just being nice and just trying to find something good to write on my report. I’m sure she probably wanted to comment on how I often forgot to call in attendance and how I was the biggest germaphobe on the campus. I found it very natural to tell my students that I had made a mistake. I didn’t understand back then that my behavior was kind of a big deal for a kid to see.

In the years since, I have learned that a lot of people (I’m looking at you, parents) are actually huge assholes towards children…their own and other people’s kids, too.

Don’t get me wrong; kids are pretty awful. They’re only awful because they’re small, untrained versions of adults, who are technically the most awful.

Here’s the kicker: there’s a good chance that the parent made them into a little fart face.

So, if you’re a parent or teacher or anyone else who is around kids regularly, here are two tips to help you be less of a jerk and raise a little person who is also less of a jerk.

Number 1: Admit Your Own Mistakes and Shortcomings

I think some folks think that having a kid means having someone to tie your shoelaces when you’re old and fat. Unfortunately, there’s much more to it than that, even though wouldn’t that be super awesome of that were the case?

Take a cue from me, from many years ago and today, and show your humanness in front of your kids.

That doesn’t mean show them your angry, irrational side. That means to let them know when you don’t know something. Tell them about times when you felt like a failure or really failed at something. If the kid sees you as a whole person, they can accept themselves as whole people, too. And whole people are more conscious of how they treat others.

Number 2: Chill the F☆☆☆ Out

Tonight, I tried to learn two card games from two pre-teen children. You’d think that when I got home, the first thing I did was reach into my fridge and grab a 40 oz and guzzle it.

I didn’t.

While the children fussed and taunted each other while playing the games, I sat there, patiently, being present with them. My attitude influenced how they behaved and calmed them down. I was beaten in both games and even now I have no idea how to play either game (because children are cheaters who make sh☆t up). It was fun. They enjoyed me playing the game with them and I was able to influence them without saying or doing much. It was very rewarding.

If you have a bunch of kids at home, I send you my love and energy and prayers that you never run out of wine.

But most importantly, I send you my wish that you never run out of patience with your little heathens. The world is depending on you to be caring and human.

Until tomorrow my friends…

What It’s Like: Working With a Muslim Family

I want to start off this post by saying that I am very grateful for my life and the series of choices and happenstances that have put me in this exact spot, in this very moment. I am very, very fortunate and I am practicing being more grateful and observant of my good fortune.

One of the things that I am most thankful for is the many opportunities I have had to meet different people. And by different, I mean people who are of a different race, religion, background, nationality, gender, and experience than I am. You know, all of the typical things that humans use to segregate themselves and to judge the ones not in their special little circle.

Sometimes the opportunity to meet different people come because of me reaching out or because of some other self-directed involvement or effort. Most of the times, however, I find that opportunity comes simply by being open to it coming.

A few months ago, I started tutoring two children from an Eastern block country, near Russia. I will provide as few details as I can about this family, in an effort to protect their identities and keep the focus on the story and my experience, and the religion of Islam, which I am in no way qualified to even begin to discuss.

The first time I went to their house for a tutoring session, there was no answer on the phone for 15 minutes. Tardiness angers me, and over time, I have had to learn to manage my anger when people are late. But, this time, anger kind of got the best of me. I’d driven almost 50 minutes in hellish Houston traffic, just to be on time. And there I was, still on time, even after navigating around a big wreck, and the people were not answering the phone.

I looked at the clock on my dashboard and said to myself, “I’m only waiting 15 minutes; then, I’m leaving.”

I also had a bunch of other bad thoughts about these people BEFORE I even met them. Perhaps they were sharpening their saws, so they could cut me up into little bits? Is there such a thing as the “Tutor Strangler” in any popular movies? They must be absolutely terrible people; how dare they be so late?

I worked myself up into an almost seething frenzy when my phone rang at exactly 14 minutes past the hour. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

The frenzied sounding father apologized profusely and asked me to please excuse them and come up to tutor the children. Not wanting to break the rule I’d set for myself, I reluctantly went up to meet them.

I immediately thanked myself for the decision to try, the decision to trust the universe, which is absolutely not something that I usually do.

Upon entering, the entire family came to warmly greet me, one by one. The father told me that he appreciated me tutoring his children and that he trusted my abilities as a teacher. Having taught public school in rough areas for several years, hearing the words “appreciation” and “trust” the first time I interacted with a parent was a rarity, to say the least.

After the session was over, the mother meekly came up to me, and handed me a warm, paper towel wrapped bundle. I said thank you as graciously as I could, not knowing at all what was customary or rude to them, realizing I knew nothing about the culture of their home country, and also realizing that my “American guilt” is still pretty strong.

I left the apartment and walked to the elevator and opened the napkin. She had given me two freshly baked rolls of bread, the steam gently greeting my grinning face as I pinched off a piece and ate it.

At that moment, I realized that something really beautiful had happened. A shared experience between people who are seemingly nothing alike, joined together by the universe’s pull and their own collective abilities to extend a bit of trust to another human being.

For the family, they had trusted a strange American to enter their home, the first time they met them. Given the media and hatred and negative messaging about Muslims in America, if I were them, I do not think I would have had the courage to invite a strange American into my home. But, they did.

For me, I had continued with the tutoring appointment, even though I was angry that they were late and a little afraid of going into a strange home. I also greedily ate home made bread from a stranger, something that I am pretty sure children are taught not to do, and there I was, as an adult, eating a stranger’s food, in an elevator, no less.

By the time I reached the first floor, I loved those people. I loved the children. I loved their kindness. I loved the open and loving energy that you can feel in their house. I texted my mother and told her I was all right and that everything went well and I even told her, “I love them already.”

I continue to work with the children and the family continues to treat me better than any parents have in all my years of teaching. They have invited me to stay after the session to have dinner with them. They have given me other food gifts. They’ve taken the time to share things about their culture and food with me. They’ve even let me hold their infant child, which for a woman who is terrified of small children, was a big feat for me to even agree to do such a thing.

Somehow, the fact that I know almost nothing about Islam, or their home country, or their language, yet I am still able to share very human experiences with the family makes me feel incredibly fortunate.

My experience with the family is truly a testament to what great things can happen when, even if you are scared or emotional, you can summon up the courage to trust others and the universe.

You just might not be disappointed.

Until tomorrow, my friends…