Are You a Peasant?

Last night, I went to a show at Jones Hall, a local performing arts theater. I feel like that previous phrase doesn’t do Jones Hall justice, but that’s the best I can write before I start sounding like I am even more clueless than I am.

I treated myself to an “affordable” seat since I, well, who cares why I bought a cheap seat, right? No one cares. What matters is I will NEVER buy a cheap seat again.

Here’s what you get when you buy a cheap seat:

  1. Close proximity to modern day peasants
  2. A headache from squinting for 2 hours to see the performers
  3. A slow migration to the exit doors
  4. A desire to be sitting closer

For the purpose of this post, let’s focus on item number one.

Look, I get it. I am one of the stuffiest, most rule abiding and thoughtful and classy and utterly amazing people in existence. I know that not everyone is like me, so in an effort to help others, I have put together a short list to help you determine if you are a peasant, or at least if you act like one in public. Read on and adjust your behavior accordingly.

Peasant Behavior 1: Being Glued to Your Phone

This goes for any show, whether it is at the movie theater (spelled -er) or the performance theatre (spelled -re). If you are one of those annoying, money wasting, rude, stupid ass people who cannot stop checking their phone during the show, then you are, in fact, a modern day peasant.

A proper lady or gentleman cares about the experience of those around and has enough respect to actually pay attention to the art that you paid good money to see. Do you know where you can check your phone FOR FREE? Yes, the parking lot. GTFOH.

 

Peasant Behavior 2: Video Recording During a Performance

I know it must be so exciting to see talented people do things that neither you nor I will ever be able to do. However, if you’re asked to NOT record during the performance, have some got damn dignity and don’t do it. Besides, your friends are only feigning interest when you show them the footage from half a football field away anyway.

 

Peasant Behavior 3: Not Promptly Sitting The F*&^ Down

If you must be a complete nuisance and exit your seat during the performance, do so with hurried grace. That means, quickly hop up, bend down like Quasimodo, quietly apologize, and get the f*&^ out of the way, with as little obstruction as possible. No one paid the equivalent of one day’s groceries from Whole Foods to look at your stupid ass face or silhouette.

 

Peasant Behavior 4: Being Anything Other Than Quiet

Do you have a drink that has noisy ass ice cubes in it? Wait until a rise in the action and noise to slurp it down like the peasant you are. Need to blow your nose? See previous instructions.

 

Peasant Behavior 5: Being Nasty in General

Speaking of blowing one’s nose, please lean down, put your head in between your legs, and blow. Cover your mouth when you cough. Suck on a hard candy or cough drop if you simply must cough. Better yet, STAY THE F*&^ HOME if your nasty ass is producing too much mucous or are contagious. GOSH!

 

Thanks for reading my list. I feel better.

Until next time, my friends…

Thoughts on the Movie: “The Neon Demon”

Have you seen this movie?

I just finished watching it and I can’t say that I’m terribly impressed.

I’m sorry, Keanu. I know that you’re so awesome and you were in the movie for about 4.5 seconds, but I still am apologizing anyway.

But really, whoever wrote this story should apologize.

To all of us. Right now.

When I first saw the previews for this movie, I thought I wanted to see it because it looked visually stunning! I didn’t go see it in the theater, but even on the small screen, I can say that the visuals are gorgeous. The colors, the lighting, the moodiness…its all gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.

I even think the acting was good and believable.

But the story…honestly, I think it’s a little half assed. Sorry not sorry…

One of the main characters is in some kind of cult (I guess?) and that’s never explained either explicitly or even with a few hints! And turns out, the behavior related to the cult is the most shocking and most interesting things to happen in the whole movie.

Hellllllo? More details please, writers!

Not to mention, the main character is woefully under explored. We don’t get to find out jack diddly from her other than she’s been told she’s pretty a lot and her parents are dead.

I am not one for Hemingway levels of back story and details, but damn, at least tell us enough to want to care about her when her eyeballs get eaten twice by two girls.

Oops, spoiler alert up above, ha ha!

Have you seen it? What did you think?

I’m about to Google it and read an article or review from a more savvy person who can interpret to me.

If you’re looking for a gorgeous looking movie with a confusing plot and little character development and less than 5 minutes of Keanu Reeves, then this movie is for you!

Until tomorrow my friends…

Friday Starts at 7:01 am

I slept in a little bit today, even though I had an important meeting this morning. Last night, I remember reaching to set the alarm clock on my phone and then I only remember the darkness of being swallowed by the sleepy.

Luckily, my meeting wasn’t until 11:00 am, so I had several hours to wake up and worry about the things that could go wrong.

I am getting better about not worrying, though, so I can confidently say that this morning, I worried probably 60% less than I would normally have. Even though worrying is my super power, it was really nice to worry so much less than I usually would have.

Besides, I have been busting my ass on this project, so I almost had nothing to even try to worry about. Aside from wanting to show off a little bit, I had done everything that I could to get the project to the current point. I could do nothing else, aside from turning into a genie.

My meeting went REALLY WELL and I even got free lunch out of the deal. When I left to go to the meeting and threw my bag in the car, I said to myself, “When this meeting is over, it’ll be 2:00 pm, and I will GET  to clean up before bed!”

I said this with a real excitement. I have been so busy that I actually looked forward to cleaning up. That’s kind of sad. But, I do like how I unconsciously phrased cleaning up in a positive way, something that I wouldn’t usually do. My efforts to become a tiny bit more grateful and conscious every day are paying off. I’m thankful that I’m becoming more grateful.

At the end of the meeting, I drove around the corner and exhaled. I didn’t want the client to see me sitting in the car yelling HALLELUJAH, so I drove out of eye sight. I then drove home, and proceeded to work more. I sent them some more work, and at about 6:00 pm, I decided it was time to order some GrubHub (don’t judge me).

I ate my Thai takeout and watched “The Devil Wears Prada.” Have you ever seen that? The end where Meryl Streep gives a little bit of a smile and then sarcastically hisses, GOOOOO to her driver, ah, that darn Meryl Streep. She got me right in the feels with that one.

What does it say about me that I was kind of rooting for Meryl Streep the entire time, not that she needed rooting for, but I should say that she was my favorite character and I could relate to her feelings of annoyance with people and her overall career drive. That probably says that I’m a terrible person, but ah, to hell with it. We need devils to appreciate the angels and besides, no one is a true devil or an angel (watch the damn movie if you don’t believe me, somehow).

I was exhausted by the end of the day, but in a weird way. I still feel good and have a little energy; I just needed a little break from work. I might treat myself to a movie tomorrow, before getting back to work.

Today was a good day, a good Friday. I’m thankful that I woke up and had this day. I could have had a lot of other days, but I’m glad that I had the one that I had.

AND THIS IS THE END OF THE 5 DAY GET OUTTA BED CHALLENGE

What’s next? What challenge do you think I should do? Leave a comment below.

Until tomorrow, my friends…