What It’s Like: PERIODS!

I’ve decided to do a few posts where I describe, in a humorous, yet truthful way something that I am experiencing or have experienced in the near past. I don’t know how many of these I will do, but I am already really entertained by this idea, so I might do quite a few of them.

These will give me fodder into the new month, which is only today and tomorrow, but, well, let’s hope for the best.

Let’s start off with an explanation of what it’s like to have a period, aka menstruation cycle.

If you’re a man, do NOT stop reading right now. I will not give you any of the more moist details. Instead, I will regale you with anecdotes about the monthly visitor with which you have no experience. Men, be thankful for that! Oh, you already are? Oh, great.

Without further ado, I will “femsplain” my experience with periods.

Symptom One: Everyone Else is Awake

Welcome to the special hell that is the emotional roller coaster period town! The most awful part of having a period is really not the pain or the inconvenience. The worst part is OTHER PEOPLE. Other people will constantly walk around you, awake, alert, and existing, all while you sleepily look at them and wonder how you can make them all disappear.

This symptom is my favorite one, and it decided to come later in life, which is entirely, and utterly bullshit, in my opinion. Once, I was so tired, that I had to close the door to my office. I told myself that familiar lie: “I’ll just put my head down for a moment.” Of course, I immediately fell asleep and the next thing I knew, a co-worker was knocking on my door because it was time to go to Panera Bread for lunch. I’d been asleep for 30 minutes. Don’t tell my former boss.

Symptom Two: Everyone Drives So F*cking Badly and Even More F*cking Slowly

I don’t know if this happens to other people, but when I have my monthly marauder, the rest of the town somehow finds out. I think it might be the FBI tapping into my phone and then publishing the news in the local newspaper. I am sure of it.

The drivers of my town obviously read the newspaper and then simultaneously get in their cars and use the GPS on my phone to find my location. Then, all of the drivers in town proceed to follow me around, consistently driving at least 5 mph below the speed limit. This synchronized driving hell happens for the duration of my ailment, and then miraculously, everyone drives like the regular assholes I’ve come to expect on the road. It’s strange. Should I call Snowden and report this? Everyone is plotting against me.

Symptom Three: My Refrigerator Becomes Small

For those few days a month, my refrigerator shrinks. There’s simply not enough space in there to keep all of the food that I need to consume. I need space for sparkling water, yogurt, donuts, sweet tea, pie, cake, steak, baked potatoes, salad, salad dressing, avocados, etc. No matter what size refrigerator it is, there’s simply not enough food inside. It’s strange. The thing works fine the rest of the month.

Symptom Four: Dogs are the Best and Children Can’t be Quiet Enough

I am a cat person. I could also be a dog person. But, a period makes me want to adopt every dog on television. I hide my credit cards during period time so I don’t end up adopting every dog that comes on those “save the pets” infomercials late at night. The insomnia, which also comes with this time of the month, ensures that I am awake to watch infomercials, so it is very important that I do not have a credit card handy. I need to keep all that money to buy food that won’t fit in my refrigerator.

And speaking of small, living things, children become extra noisy during this time of the month. Even if a child is sleeping peacefully, and snoring quietly, I still secretly want to yell SOMEONE SHUT THAT DAMN BABY UP when it’s that time of the month. I don’t know; I guess I get something like super sonic hearing.

Symptom Five: Morphine Drip Bags are a Necessity 

Midol? Ha ha ha, get that shit out of here. Give those to your infants when they have a fever. Pamprin? Ha ha ha, pink sugar pills with no use other than to drop in your tea for sweetener. Morphine? Yes, please pass the drip bags and the needles. Thank you, very much.

And that’s it, ladies and gentlemen. You now know what it’s exactly like to have a period! It’s not so bad, is it?

Gentlemen: did you read until the end? Give yourself a big ole pat on the back. Go treat yourself to a Snickers bar.

Ladies: What’s your favorite symptom? You, too, deserve a Snickers bar!

Thanks for reading and being weird with me.

Until next time, my friends…

Polite Fighter

The idea to write about this just came to me, as I was stepping out of the bathtub, after a long, hot soak.

As I was stepping out of the tub, I had a mindful moment, where I acknowledged how thankful I am to have a bathtub and warm water and epsom salts. And through those things, I was able to find relief from menstrual cramps, right before bed. Ah, how nice it is to give yourself some self care sometimes.

Then I thought, self care is not really just about bubble baths and beauty products. Self care is also about knowing when to stand up for yourself, too. Self care is like self guardianship.

Here’s a story from my life that demonstrates my idea of self guardianship:

About 8 months ago, I bought a new computer. Seems like a pretty uneventful thing, except I HATE BUYING ELECTRONICS. I have never bought a television; each one I have ever had has been a hand me down.

The first computer I owned, I gave a Dell salesman my meager budget and he picked it out for me. The second computer I owned, I did pretty much the same thing, except I had about an extra $500 I could spend. The third computer I owned, I let my then-boyfriend pick out all of the components. He enjoyed building the computer; I enjoyed not having to make the decision. That was almost 10 years ago, and I’m using that same computer to write this on, right now.

I bought a new computer because my current one works well, but it is HUGE and heavy and was starting to run out of space. I wanted a light, sexy little number that I could take to coffee shops. I also needed something that had a dedicated graphics card (don’t ask).

So, I went to Best Buy in my hometown, and some bright eyed, golden haired lad helped me pick the computer. I gleefully paid for the protection plan, and skipped out of Best Buy, sure that I wouldn’t have to go back into that awful place for another 10 years.

Three months into owning the computer, it froze and wouldn’t do anything. Not turn on, not a damn thing. It was a very expensive, brand new BRICK.

I went back to Best Buy and figured, oh, they’ll fix it, no problem. Trouble is, they couldn’t fix it, either. After several weeks of phone calls and emails, they told me that they couldn’t fix it and that particular model was out of stock.

I went back to the store to get my refund (thank goodness for the protection plan). As the gentleman was helping me, I had a thought:

WAIT A GOT DAMN MINUTE! I WANT EVERY GOT DAMN CENT OF MY GOT DAMN MONEY BACK! I WANT THE PRICE, TAX, AND PROTECTION PLAN MONEY BACK!

I’d basically spent a lot of money to “rent” a computer for less than 90 days. As the slow, rusty math gears in my mind started to churn, I turned to the guy and said, “Wait, I want ALLLLLLLL OF MY MONEY BACK.” Realizing I was maybe a bit terse, I added, “Please.”

He started to hem and haw about what “the system” was going to “give me” back. I listened, politely, making mental notes of all of his pre-excuses, and then used them back on him as I made the argument, politely, that they’d sold me a faulty device AND  a protection plan on a faulty device. Even they couldn’t fix their faulty device and it was ridiculous that I suffer the cost of a protection plan on a faulty device that they sold me less than 90 days ago and that they couldn’t fix. COUGH COUGH, AHEM, SIR.

He again assured me that he would give me back everything that the system would allow. I again, slowly, calmly, with almost comically patience, assured him that his system, and his logic, could both go take a got damn hike and frankly, he better get me my got damn money.

I said all of these things politely, of course.

I stood there politely.

I smiled politely.

I re-iterated my point politely.

I suggested he call a manager, politely.

At the end, he did not have to call the manager and he gave me every red penny of my money back. My polite and repetitive requests were met. Months later, I returned to Best Buy and bought another got damn computer. The new one seems to be working just fine.

The moral of the story is, don’t forget to be your own best advocate; your own guardian. Whether it’s the guardian of your feelings, your money, your time, or your energy, it is your job, and only your job, to be the guardian of the things that will affect you. Don’t leave that job to someone else. You will only get what THEY think you deserve and you can see from my story, it’s likely that it will be less than you actually deserve.

Sometimes it’s easy to do when it comes to money, but it’s probably even more important to do when it comes to bad friends, bad relationships, time wasting bullshit, etc.

How do you practice self guardianship?

And when was the last time you bought a computer?

Until tomorrow, my friends…

Friday Starts at 7:01 am

I slept in a little bit today, even though I had an important meeting this morning. Last night, I remember reaching to set the alarm clock on my phone and then I only remember the darkness of being swallowed by the sleepy.

Luckily, my meeting wasn’t until 11:00 am, so I had several hours to wake up and worry about the things that could go wrong.

I am getting better about not worrying, though, so I can confidently say that this morning, I worried probably 60% less than I would normally have. Even though worrying is my super power, it was really nice to worry so much less than I usually would have.

Besides, I have been busting my ass on this project, so I almost had nothing to even try to worry about. Aside from wanting to show off a little bit, I had done everything that I could to get the project to the current point. I could do nothing else, aside from turning into a genie.

My meeting went REALLY WELL and I even got free lunch out of the deal. When I left to go to the meeting and threw my bag in the car, I said to myself, “When this meeting is over, it’ll be 2:00 pm, and I will GET  to clean up before bed!”

I said this with a real excitement. I have been so busy that I actually looked forward to cleaning up. That’s kind of sad. But, I do like how I unconsciously phrased cleaning up in a positive way, something that I wouldn’t usually do. My efforts to become a tiny bit more grateful and conscious every day are paying off. I’m thankful that I’m becoming more grateful.

At the end of the meeting, I drove around the corner and exhaled. I didn’t want the client to see me sitting in the car yelling HALLELUJAH, so I drove out of eye sight. I then drove home, and proceeded to work more. I sent them some more work, and at about 6:00 pm, I decided it was time to order some GrubHub (don’t judge me).

I ate my Thai takeout and watched “The Devil Wears Prada.” Have you ever seen that? The end where Meryl Streep gives a little bit of a smile and then sarcastically hisses, GOOOOO to her driver, ah, that darn Meryl Streep. She got me right in the feels with that one.

What does it say about me that I was kind of rooting for Meryl Streep the entire time, not that she needed rooting for, but I should say that she was my favorite character and I could relate to her feelings of annoyance with people and her overall career drive. That probably says that I’m a terrible person, but ah, to hell with it. We need devils to appreciate the angels and besides, no one is a true devil or an angel (watch the damn movie if you don’t believe me, somehow).

I was exhausted by the end of the day, but in a weird way. I still feel good and have a little energy; I just needed a little break from work. I might treat myself to a movie tomorrow, before getting back to work.

Today was a good day, a good Friday. I’m thankful that I woke up and had this day. I could have had a lot of other days, but I’m glad that I had the one that I had.

AND THIS IS THE END OF THE 5 DAY GET OUTTA BED CHALLENGE

What’s next? What challenge do you think I should do? Leave a comment below.

Until tomorrow, my friends…

6:58 AM

Today was day 1 of my 5 day Get Outta Bed Challenge.

I naturally woke up at 6:58 am.

This was not as horrible as I was anticipating. I thought I would wake up at exactly 5:31 am, but my body was kinder to me than I expected.

I did want to stay in bed, of course. I slept with the room a little warmer, but with lighter bed coverings, so I was just the right temperature. If I am too cold, then of course I don’t want to get out of bed. If I am too hot, then sleeping is a miserable fight.

I hit the Goldilocks sweet mine last night. I fell asleep quickly and slept soundly, sans nightmares featuring movie stars.

My morning ritual includes the following:

  1. Tinkle
  2. Weighing myself
  3. Putting on robe and slippers
  4. Boiling water for tea
  5. Checking emails
  6. Consuming tea

Today, doing all of those things only cost me about 15 minutes, which meant it was before 7:30 am when I started to work. It was kind of wondrous.

By 9:00 am, I had edited an Excel file, edited a PowerPoint file, written a stellar, but concise email, checked all of my personal emails, and browsed through Anthropologie. I even had enough energy to resist the urge to buy something from Anthro. Talk about a winning morning!

I feel like the rest of my day was good, too. I was energetic, even though I didn’t take any vitamins or B12 tablets until about 2:00 pm. I don’t drink coffee and I only had 2 cups of tea today.

We are off to the races!

What’s your favorite morning ritual? Tell me in the comments section below!

Until tomorrow, my friends…

A Challenge Within A Challenge

Hey, is it your first time visiting my blog?

It is?

It is not?

Welcome or welcome back. Let’s start to make things interesting.

Two days this past week, I didn’t feel like there was much going on upstairs. A writer needs a brain to, you know, write.

Some days are like today, when I was actually zonked out on the couch watching YouTube videos, until I looked at the clock and thought OH SHIT! I forgot to write my entry for today.

Other days produce posts like what I wrote yesterday, when the words seemingly poured out of my mind, with ease and emotion. Only three people have clicked on the post from yesterday, even though I think it’s the best one I’ve written so far, so please check it out, if you’re so inclined.

For the next five working days, I am going to throw myself a bone and do a challenge. You know what a challenge is: it’s when someone says they’ll do something for a finite amount of time and then talks about it for that finite amount of time.

So, for the next five days, I am challenging myself to get out of bed whenever I first wake up, if the time is 5:30 am or later. So, if I wake up at 4:45 am, I am taking my ass back to sleep. But, if I wake up at 5:41 am, I am going to do the thing where one moves their body from the bed and into the waking world, ready to take on adventures.

I wonder how this will go? I am sure this activity will give me some fodder for the next few days. I am sure it’ll suck, too, because I change the sheets on Sunday nights, so I am basically dooming myself to spend less time with my fresh sheets come morning time.

What do you think? How will I do?

Have you ever tried this? Leave me a comment below…

Until tomorrow, my friends…

Weird Dreams #1

My waking brain may not be full of writing inspiration today, but thankfully, my sleeping brain is coming in with the hail Mary, throwing an incredible pass, with me here, sitting at my keyboard, waiting to catch it and share it with you.

Today’s post reveals a little known fact about me: I have WEIRD ASS DREAMS.

Do you?

This has been an affliction (or should I say gift?) for as long as I remember. I still remember one of the weirdest dreams that I ever had–one where I was hanging out with Patrick Stewart and the rest of the Star Trek Next Generation crew at an off-world theme park. Turns out, even in my dreams and even on a different planet, I still vomit if I ride the roller coaster. Go figure; just my luck. I remember having that dream when I was maybe in middle school.

Last night, I had a super weird dream, too.

In my dream last night, I was shopping at a local grocery chain named “Fiesta.” My friends who know me will know that this dream is already super weird because I absolutely loathe going into any of the Fiesta stores. They’re great stores, with seemingly mountains and mountains of produce, but they’re just so damn big that I feel lost before I even make it out of the parking lot.

Back to the dream…

So, I was walking around a Fiesta store, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, up walks a plainly dressed Denzel Washington.

YES, Denzel Washington. No, I have not thought about him or even seen one of his  movies since that one called “Fences”, which I think came out in 2016. I barely watch any television and the last movie I saw was “The Greatest Showman” and Hugh Jackman looks nothing like Denzel Washington. And, no, I have no idea what the f*ck, to be honest.

Let’s continue, now that you’re as confused, but hopefully amused, as me…

Mr. Washington is dressed in a rather drab, long brown trench coat. I don’t remember the rest of his garb, but I remember this hideous and unstylish coat, which makes him look like a sloppy old dude, instead of a dapper Hollywood movie star.

“Do you want to know a secret?” he asks.

I looked at him, in confusion and horror, still trying to figure out why on Earth his coat is so got damn ugly, and I shake my head.

“Uhh, no, no I don’t,” I rejected him. He looks confused and walks away. I remain confused, standing still.

He walks farther and farther away, and I stand still, in the dream, for what felt like at least five minutes. I watch him walk around the produce section, with the mountainous piles of oranges and avocados concealing his lower body. I watch him wind up and down the aisles, casually shopping for yellow rice and candies. He seemed so damn, hmm, REGULAR.

Eventually, I snap out of it, and decide that I’m being a huge creep, and I go about my own shopping. Later still, I think, Wait, who wouldn’t want to know a secret that Denzel Washington has?

As I am in a checkout line, I decide to apologize and ask him to tell me the secret. I get out of line, and frantically walk along the registers, looking for him. I spot him. I go over and get behind him in his line.

“Mr. Washington, umm, about before, well, umm, yeah, I’m sorry, and, umm, can I get in on that secret now?” I stumble.

He smiles and says, “Sure, but you’ll have to wait until we get to the parking lot now.”

We checked out, paid for our stuff, and he waits for me by the exit door. When we exit the door, the parking lot is expansive. There are hundreds of rows of cars, with seemingly every single parking spot full. There are people everywhere; it’s like a car show, but with groceries.

I am suddenly hit with a wave of anxiety.

“I don’t know where I parked my car,” I tell him, shaking with fear, feeling overwhelmed, the stimuli from the music from the cars and the movement from all of the people milling about feeling like a giant hand that is shaking me and throwing me around in my own mind.

“Follow me,” he instructs, and begins to walk.

We walk, and walk, turning our buggies this way and that way, meandering through the cars, somehow no one recognizing that Oscar winner and prolific actor, Denzel Washington, is cooly walking amongst them, in a parking lot at the Fiesta grocery store, leading a lost woman to her car, or somewhere, where she may hear a secret.

We dodge all kinds of obstacles–flung open doors, ruffigans giving us dirty looks, beggars asking for change. It is an absolute zoo.

And then, I wake up.

I never find out what Denzel’s secret was.

I never find my car.

I never get my groceries home.

I never find out why in the bloody hell I’d ever be caught at a Fiesta grocery store.

And I never find out why Denzel’s coat was so got damn ugly.

 

What do you think?

Until tomorrow, my friends…

Here’s to Having a Good Time

I am loved.

Some days, we might not feel like it. Other days, we are fortunate enough to have our cups runneth over with love. Today, I had one of those overflowing with love kind of days.

The worry and heartache of the past 18 months or so have given me a new found gratitude for almost everything. Now that I know what it is like to worry all day, every day, the feeling of being in the present, and recognizing all the ways that I am loved, well, let’s just say it’s amazing.

Even when I am alone I feel loved. Tonight, I had an amazing opportunity to have a new experience with an old friend…to celebrate me being older. You can’t beat that.

I am just so thankful.

A few days ago, driving across town, I got into a short space of an almost meditative state. Even though I was driving on the freeways, my mind slowed down to appreciate the bright blue of the sky, the shimmering glass of the towering buildings whirling by, the flight of the synchronized birds overhead. It was lovely and I felt loved, even in that moment of almost organized chaos.

I am so thankful.

Being thankful and more mindful has helped me loosen up my definitions of myself. Before tonight, I would have emphatically said that I was not the kind of person to go on stage during a burlesque (what they call “boylesque” , since it featured gentlemen) show. But now, there’s video proof that I did go on stage and rhythmlessly girate my huge ass around for about 90 seconds. That video proof my night ever see the light of day, but, it exists.

I am just so blessed, so thankful, so loved.

I hope you are , too.

Until tomorrow, my friends…

I <3 The Winter

I have a confession.

You might think I am a Southerner, but I might not be. I might actually be from the, ahem, gasp, NORTH! Well, at least in my heart.

As I have written on previous blogs, I have an affinity for all things and places that are cold and miserable. Bonus points if they’re both cold and miserable in the same day.

My favorite places are London, England; Portland, Oregon; Niagara Falls, Canada; Mill Run, Pennsylvania (technically, the Falling Water House is what I love in this location, but let’s not forget that it is in a very northern state).

For the past few days, winter has made a big arrival here in the Houston area, where I live. I did not venture out yesterday, but today I became a bit stir crazy. I decided that I ABSOLUTELY NEEDED some tomato paste and a taco making kit. So, I bundled up and drove, on the surface streets of course, over to the closest Target store.

I wasn’t expecting to see as much ice as I did, but it was kind of gosh darn wondrous. Is this what it’s like to wake up and see the ground be covered in cold, white stuff in the morning? It was amazing.

I did quickly, learn, however, that lots of folks were not as impressed with the ice and sleet as I was. People rushed by me as I walked slowly into the Target, admiring the frozen freckles on the bushes outside. People rushed by me as I drove the speed limit (for once) and admired the shimmering ice on the surface of Memorial Parkway.

The sun was the kind of bright that touches the spirit; the kind of bright that bleaches away sadness. The contrast of the warmth from the sun and the bite of the chilled air makes me so happy.

I will say that I enjoy doing enjoyable and leisurely things in the cold. Would I want to be a traffic cop in 19F weather? Nah, probably not.

How’s the weather where you are?

Until tomorrow, my friends…

My Calm Birthday

Today is my birthday.

Last night, I had to pleasure of sitting around a large table, in a restaurant, eating, drinking, and enjoying the company of people I am fortunate enough to call friends.

I also did not have to wash a single dish yesterday or today, which is the beauty of going out to eat.

I love the energy of my friends. I might not see all of them very regularly, but I love them all the same, regardless of the frequency of our visits.

Today was my actual birthday, however. I turned 35. I don’t feel particularly old in my heart, even though I often times feel a little beat up or achy in my body. I am working on remedying that through a better diet and more active lifestyle.

I think there are a few clues to the youth of my heart, however. My mind  and soul are old. My body is getting older. But my heart has the joy and interests of probably any teenager. Here are some random highlights from my day.

I Tried to Help

The first thing I did when I left the house today was to check the mailbox. My mom had sent me a card and I went to get it. Somehow, the door of the mailboxes had come undone. I honestly stood there, in mild horror, trying to figure out how to fix it. I even looked around for an older person, even though, one could argue, that at 35, many people would consider ME the older person.

I thought: maybe if an older person, or a handy looking man (or woman) walked by, they’d know what to do. They’d have tape. Is it ok to put tape on a mailbox? Is that a federal offense? 

Not wanting to commit a possible federal offense by using tape on a mailbox, and not wanting to draw much attention to myself as the discoverer of the undone mailbox, I left it in this state, using some construction materials I found lying on the ground.

It is not the best solution, but perhaps there won’t be mail and sales flyers all over the place by tomorrow, when the real adult, ermm, I mean, the mailman, comes by to check out the situation.

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My Music Tastes are Both Low and High Brow

John Mayer’s “Badge and Gun” is one of my favorite songs, but I say that about almost all John Mayer songs. I mean, really, it’s like he’s in my head sometimes.

The song is about a guy who has tried really hard to do what he was supposed to do, whatever that was, and now he’s just going to go on about his way, both metaphorically and literally.

It’s both joyous and somber, which I know sounds odd, but those are the things I feel when I listen to it. It’s basically an ode to the peace one feels when you can honestly say, “I tried real hard” but in the next breath say, “But I also give up.”

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And while it’s nice and all to be all cerebral and listen to the seemingly deeply personal lyrics of a John Mayer song, of course I also had to listen to “In Da Club” by 50 Cent because there’s literally only one day of the year when, yes, shawty, it is indeed, yo birthday.

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My Fashion Tastes Are De-Volving 

Devolving is the opposite of evolving. For a long time, I was a school teacher. Then, for a longer time, I worked in corporate America. My wardrobe has changed, but just between you and me, I absolutely LOVE fashion with whimsy. I will buy and wear almost anything that is red, any shade of red, from light pink to one of my favorites, a deep, moody shade of oxblood. I love it all.

These shoes make me especially joyous and with the light wind and crystal bright sunshine, they seemed to dance off my feet. A random guy even passed me and yelled: I LIKE THOSE SHOES. He, too, was wearing red shoes.

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I Am Still Working on Other Parts of Being an Adult

I am working on reorganizing my closet and I ordered this thing from Amazon. Of course it came flat packed and required assembly.

It was pretty easy to assemble, but I absolutely hate assembling things, so I had to fight my disdain for 30 minutes and use another 30 minutes to assemble it. But, when I was done, I was actually quite proud. I did something productive on my birthday, and that was nice.

However, I am also a 35 year old woman who bought a $16 fabric thing from Amazon to put stuff in. Shouldn’t I be at Ashley Furniture, buying a proper chest of drawers? Perhaps, when I am 40.

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Over all, it was a beautiful day. I had a very peaceful day and am still reeling from how thankful I feel for all of the people in the world who love me.

Until tomorrow, my friends…

The Game of Life

I don’t remember how to do it.

For the life of me, I can’t remember how to do it. I can’t remember how to hold in my laughter when kids are being hilarious.

For several years, I was a public elementary school teacher. I was the queen of the stone face. When they farted, I didn’t laugh. When they said mean, but hilarious, things about each other, my face was stone. But tonight, holding in my laughter caused me to choke.

But then, she said it, “I will trade you! I will trade you if you keep playing.”

“No,” I said calmly, trying to mask my disappointment. I wanted to say, so badly, GOT DAMN IT YOU ARE WINNING FAIR AND SQUARE! DO NOT TRADE YOUR POSITION!

I didn’t yell that because these were just two kids, playing a game of “Chutes and Ladders”, the sister wiping the floor with the brother; the brother becoming so angry that he called it “the worst game of his life.” He might be right; he’s only 12.

He did not want to play anymore and his sister was heartbroken. I gave her a ball as a consolation prize; she had won after all, fair and square. But, she was sad that her brother didn’t want to play anymore.

She thought, because she was winning and was playing fair, that he, too, should do the same.

Sometimes, life is like that, too. In my experience, countless times, I just wanted to grab life by the neck and yell BUT THIS ISN’T FAIR!

Hey life! Don’t you see that I am trying? I am forgiving. I am funny. I am thoughtful. I am working to be better! I am working so hard. I am sober; I am always on time. I am all these things. I am dependable. I am the best friend I know how to be. I am the friend that I would want for myself! Got dammit life, don’t you see how hard I’m trying?!

But, often times, life has just smiled at me, patted me on the metaphorical head, and continued handing my ass to me. In this game, the option to not play is too dire; I have no desire to stop playing, but oh my god, I do wish it was fairer sometimes.

But, it is not.

Whether you’re winning at life, fair and square, life is ALWAYS going to be the victor, in the end. We can’t beat it. We can’t plan for every thing. Where there are ladders, there are inevitably chutes. You might fall down so many chutes that you forget what a ladder looks like. You might fall down chutes enough times that you begin to walk past the ladders, with fear holding your hand, carefully guiding you past even the chance to consider an opportunity to climb again.

Life isn’t like a great vending machine; you can’t put in your share and get something that is fair and expected in return.

Sometimes, I have put in quarters and gotten back flaming bags of dog shit. Sometimes, I have put in quarters and gotten back a perfect pair of black leather boots, you know, the kind that don’t pinch your feet and make you look so chic? Or, something like the equivalent of that.

Sometimes, I didn’t even have the option to trade my position. Sometimes I have given out my position, usually in the form of my heart or my trust, only to have it rejected. Sometimes I have given the very best I had to offer, and life simply told me, cold-heartedly and without flinching, that my best wasn’t enough this time.

It’s a hard lesson to learn. It’s not even really a hard lesson. It’s really just the game of life. It’s just how it is.

We play; we try; we give up our position; we plead, sometimes we beg. Sometimes, it just isn’t enough.

Until tomorrow, my friends…